There was a church I visited it's windows trimmed in gold

But when I walked inside the door I suddenly felt cold

Two ushers were just standing there they looked at me & glared

I asked where the bathroom was & they pointed down the stairs

Soon I went in and found a pew the choir took it's place

But they all looked like statues as they stared off into space

When they finished singing the preacher said a prayer

With no emotion in his voice he welcomed new guests there

I really got uncomfortable and didn't know what to do

When he said Church of the Frozen Chosen is proud to welcome you

We hope you will enjoy your stay, come back but please take note

Unless you want to freeze to death be sure and bring your coat

The heater isn't broken in fact it works quite well

But we begin to freeze up if someone mentions hell

We remember what the Lord said to a church he once told

If you're lukewarm I'll spew you out, you should be hot or cold

We've seen some churches that were hot and they gave us quite a scare

Some people started shouting, raising hands up in the air

Some even started dancing and some fell on the floor

It scared us all so bad we almost MADE a door

We are a church run by men and we do what we please

Satan often visits here but he never seems to freeze

So if you have a strong desire to freeze a burning soul

Just bring them here to visit us and we'll help you reach that goal